Update on Dad

Sorry I've been gone a while. Been horrendously busy at work which is good because it keeps me from thinking too much. Talked to Dad on Wednesday and the truth he was keeping from us came out.

On my last blog about Dad I told how his doctor told him that he has to have his bladder removed. He has been very depressed and talking about death all the time. When I talked to him on Wednesday he told me something else that he left out of the initial bad news. The doctor said that he has to go in on February 15th and have a CT scan to check for cancer in the lymph nodes. If they find cancer, they will not remove the bladder because it is too late and there is nothing else they can do. My heart just dropped into my shoes. I really didn't know what to say. But I guess my instincts took over and I told him and Gay that there was no sense getting worked up and worrying about it. Let's just take one step at a time. I thought about KristieJ's post about this same attitude. I think that's what they wanted to hear too but I know they're worried and I'm a natural worrier.

My two sisters are going to be with Gay when Dad has the CT scan on the 15th and when he gets the results that same day. I'm a complete coward!! I just can't be there because I'm so scared that if the news is bad I'm going to fall apart. The strange thing is my mom died on February 16th, 1999. So if the news is bad, the 16th is going to be a very bad day for us all.

I'm very confused about what the doctor told him. I just can't believe they would just give up with all treatments if they find cancer in the lymph nodes. But my sister will ask all those questions. In the meantime my sisters and brother and I have been exchanging emails about living wills and power of attorney. My brother has been acting like a overbearing know-it-all but I have ignored all his emails. I figure that's how he handles this kind of stress. While my sisters and I are more emotional.

Please forgive me for this very depressing post. I should have warned you at the beginning. Thanks for all your support. Just writing down all my fears here has helped me feel better so hopefully I can keep it together.

There is a bit of good news. Dad told me that next time he goes into the doctor he will tell her about his depression and ask for some medication for it (and Gay will make sure he does). That's a major step for Dad.

I have been able to read some good and not so good books. I have a few half finished reviews but I've been spending more of my computer time posting on everyone else's blog. Thanks for listening. I'll post another update when I find out the test results. KristieJ, Tara, and others have all been making me laugh my ass off lately. Thanks ladies! I needed that. :)