Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Movie Review: Beowulf
My team at work won a little competition a few months ago and the prize was lunch and a movie. Our manager finally delivered on that prize yesterday. The guys wanted to go to a Thai restaurant and the movie they decided on was Beowulf in 3D at the IMAX theatre. Not my decision but I went along with it.
The movie was horrid. Too gruesome, bloody and disgusting. I know it was just digital animation but it was very realistic and with the 3D glasses made it look like blood, guts and body parts were flying in your face constantly.
The monster Grendel was so ugly that he was excruciatingly painful to even look at. When Grendel grabs one of the men and bites his head off and crunches on it like celery, my stomach heaved and right there I was done. But I had to sit there because I couldn't see myself climbing over 8 people to get the hell out of there so I suffered through much of the rest of it with my eyes closed.
And the nudity was another story. Now I don't mind nudity, especially male nudity :) but just imagine watching a movie with 8 of your fellow mostly-male coworkers where a male and female character were totally nude (ok, I know it was animation). Would you feel a tad uncomfortable? I was squirming a bit. OK, here's the deal. Angelina Jolie is Grendel's evil mother (forgot her character's name) and she emerges as a gold-plated nude from the waters of the lagoon. Except she had no nipples. (Are those real breasts, cuz mine were never that perky... just saying). And she had spike-heeled feet .... NOT shoes, FEET. You can see it in this picture here. When I saw that I burst out laughing. I think that my girlfriend co-worker and I were the only people that caught that because we were the only ones laughing. The guys were silent ... I'm sure I know what they were looking at. Beowulf is the boastful warrior that takes on Grendel and strips nude to do battle with him. But the family jewels are always kept hidden by well placed objects or people. I don't get that... why are women shown completely nude from head to toe, front & back. Yet nude men always have the good parts covered. There's a double standard here. Men are wimps.
Those damn 3D glasses gave me a headache and made my face itch plus I had to go to the bathroom EXTREMELY badly the last 45 minutes. Let's just say I was miserable through the whole movie. Can you believe this thing was rated PG-13? Should have been R rated really but they got away with it because it was animation. There is something wrong with the MPAA rating system... it's total crap.
I will say that the animation was good with a few problems. Sometimes motion was sort of jerky like when they are riding horses. Too choppy. Anyway, this is not a girl movie. At. All. It might have been tolerable if seen in a regular theatre where bloody stuff isn't flying so much in your face. Or maybe just rent the video when it comes out so you can mute the head crunching sounds. Blech!
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